Week 2 Story
Long ago there was a great powerful monkey who ruled the banks in the river of Beneres. He has many daily duties that required him to travel back and fourth form different islands that required him to jump from the safety of his bank to the brim of this rock that was risen from the water. He would jump across every morning to collect his food and complete his daily duties of grooming, hunting, and occasional naps.
One particular day one of the monkeys rivals, a deadly crocodile arose from the depths of the water accompanied with his mate. The crock lurked the bank with obscurity and intentions of harm. The monkey still went about his day as normal. The mate of the croc said she would like nothing more than the heart of the monkey to enjoy for a feast. She was unable to hunt for herself since she has been with her young. The manly croc accepted the challenge of conquering his long time enemy to impress his mate.
The croc pondered ideas on the best method to catch the monkey and notices that the monkey jumps every evening back to the safety of his bank by a rock that is risen out of the water. The croc patiently waited or the monkey to return home. When the monkey was done with his daily activities, he leisurely made his way home. Although, on his way to his cozy bank he noticed that his rock appeared to be much larger and taller than before, as the monkey keeps a mental note about the height of the water every day. He called out to the rock to see what was the problem and the croc hollered back to tell the monkey his plans of taking him back for dinner. The monkey made a comment about how the croc cant eat him if he doesn't open his mouth wide open for him to be swallowed. Everyone knows that croc close their eyes when they open their jaws. The croc opens his mouth to allow and easy landing pad for the monkey to land on. The monkey quickly bounces onto the crocs back and torpedo's himself safely on to his bank. The monkey lived to see another day and the croc went home empty handed.
Notes: The back story was taken out, and point of view remained the same throughout the whole story instead of switching like the original. Names were left out. left out the end where the croc praises the monkey for his smarts.
The Crocodile in The River, Jatakas,Robert Chalmers, Story Link.
One particular day one of the monkeys rivals, a deadly crocodile arose from the depths of the water accompanied with his mate. The crock lurked the bank with obscurity and intentions of harm. The monkey still went about his day as normal. The mate of the croc said she would like nothing more than the heart of the monkey to enjoy for a feast. She was unable to hunt for herself since she has been with her young. The manly croc accepted the challenge of conquering his long time enemy to impress his mate.
The croc pondered ideas on the best method to catch the monkey and notices that the monkey jumps every evening back to the safety of his bank by a rock that is risen out of the water. The croc patiently waited or the monkey to return home. When the monkey was done with his daily activities, he leisurely made his way home. Although, on his way to his cozy bank he noticed that his rock appeared to be much larger and taller than before, as the monkey keeps a mental note about the height of the water every day. He called out to the rock to see what was the problem and the croc hollered back to tell the monkey his plans of taking him back for dinner. The monkey made a comment about how the croc cant eat him if he doesn't open his mouth wide open for him to be swallowed. Everyone knows that croc close their eyes when they open their jaws. The croc opens his mouth to allow and easy landing pad for the monkey to land on. The monkey quickly bounces onto the crocs back and torpedo's himself safely on to his bank. The monkey lived to see another day and the croc went home empty handed.
Notes: The back story was taken out, and point of view remained the same throughout the whole story instead of switching like the original. Names were left out. left out the end where the croc praises the monkey for his smarts.
The Crocodile in The River, Jatakas,Robert Chalmers, Story Link.
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| The two crocs plotting against the monkey |
Hey Jenny,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this story of yours, but if I had one criticism, it would be how similar it sounded to the original one. I was hoping to hear some new twist on the story rather than only leaving certain parts out. Addition would have benefited this story a lot. Just something to keep in mind for your future stories. I can't wait to read what else you write up.
Hey Jenny! Like YaBoi Heath, I also would only criticize that your story was not altered from the original enough. I thought that you had a good start, but I would recommend either altering the setting, plot, or characters within the story. Usually addition to a story is better for avoiding plagiarism than deleting. I can't wait to read your future stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny! I really enjoyed this! I like reading traditional retellings. I tend to stick to doing those myself too. I don’t want to echo other comments, but I do think it would be interesting to see how you would add your own little twist to it. That being said, your writing style was nice to read and was enjoyable! I look forward to seeing what else you write!
ReplyDelete